I Lied to Her
When I arrived in Hawaii, my mind was troubled and my heart was broken. I was sitting with the Soul Mechanic on the deck of his house, looking at the early afternoon clouds racing across the sky. The rain forest spread over the hills and the ocean was roaring in the distance.
“I lied to her” I said. “I lied to her so many times…She didn’t deserve that. The first time I lied to her it ripped my heart out, but I thought I can hide it, and so I did. I don’t know if she ever found out. Then I became scared and angry, frightened with what I’ve done, and I lied to her again and again.”
“Come with me, I want to show you something” said the Mechanic. I followed him down the red dirt road, across the fruit farm and into the rain forest.
“Do you see this baby palm tree?” He pointed to a tiny plant next to his shoe that was just starting to come from the ground. Pull it out.” I took the little plant between my fingers and pulled it out of the ground.
“Come” he said, and walked over to a young palm tree, about my height. “Pull it out.”
I grabbed the tree in my hands and after trying a few times, I managed to pull the tree from the roots.
“What are we doing?” I asked. He didn’t say anything and walked over to a bigger tree. “Pull this one out.”
I put my arms around the palm tree and pulled with all my strength. I pulled again and again and the tree only moved a little. “Will you help me?” I asked.
“Sure.” He put his giant palms on the trunk and we pulled together. After a few minutes we were soaked, but we had pulled the tree from the ground. “Now, go and pull out that one” he said and showed me an ancient palm tree with its leaves in the clouds.
“That’s impossible” I said. “A hundred of us could not pull that tree out of the ground.”
“You’re right” he said. “That’s too big for any of us”
We sat down on a trunk covered in moss and leaves. The Mechanic took a palm seed from the mud.
“When you lied to your girl, you planted a seed. Just like this one: it seemed harmless at first, and you thought you could hide it. But the seed grew and brought forth like itself and you begun to be anxious. You failed to bring it to light and the seed grew bigger, bringing you pain and fear. You tried to control your behavior, and you acted as you thought you should, but this put even more strain on yourself because you behaved against truth. You cut the branches but ignored the roots, and the lie kept growing in your mind. You lied again, trying to cover your fear, and the plant grew into a mature tree. That’s when you collapsed into depression. But even then, you didn’t ask for help, and the tiny seed – that first lie – grew into a giant tree that nobody can pull out. You’ve come to me for help, but it’s too late. I, personally, cannot help you anymore. You must learn that whatever you saw, you always will reap. While the loveless thought or deed is little, you can still pull it out by yourself. It gets more difficult once it grows, but up to a point you can still pull it out with the help of others. But I cannot help you now, it’s just too big.”
I dropped my head in my palms and grabbed my hair. “This pain just won’t go away” I said.
When you lied to your girl, you planted a seed. You failed to bring it to light and the seed grew bigger, bringing you pain and fear.You cut the branches but ignored the roots, and the lie kept growing in your mind. You lied again, trying to cover your fear, and the plant grew into a mature tree. That’s when you collapsed into depression.
He put his arm around my shoulder. “You haven’t noticed, but this trunk we are sitting on – covered with moss and leaves – is an ancient palm tree, much older than all the others. This trunk was once an enormous tree that grew through the clouds. A hundred years ago a hurricane hit this island, and the storm ripped it from the roots in an instant. I cannot help you now, but I know someone who will.
The Soul Mechanic closed his eyes.
“Repeat after me:
Many things are impossible for men to do alone, but everything is possible with God.
I thank you for hearing my prayer.
You always hear my prayer. I thank you. I love you.
Father…I’ve lied. I’ve lied to her more times that I can remember.
Even though I didn’t mean to, I’ve hurt her with what I’ve done.
I bring to you all that I kept in darkness. I bring to you all that I’ve done without love.
Forgive me. Forgive me Father. Forgive me.
Regardless of how big your errors might have been, you will find forgiveness when you truly seek for it.”
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