When I arrived on the Soul Mechanic’s farm in Hawaii, I was not only in emotional pain, but I was also dead broke. I had a long journey behind me, a ripped backpack that rolled on baggage carrousels in airports on five continents in the past, and money just to buy me the minimum vegetarian food for the week. I had come to the fruit farm to write my book and heal my heart. I am not going to tell you that I was an enlightened student who closed his eyes and found God when he blinked. No, I was tormented by raging storms of envy towards the people I was reading about, the writers I admired who were successful in their trade. Every time I looked in my wallet I felt like a failure, and the pain in my chest caused by those thoughts chocked me.
“There are many days when I walk alone and ask myself where have I gone wrong with my life” I asked the Soul Mechanic. “I look at my friends and they have everything they want. They make lots of money in their work, some travel around the globe and get paid for it, they really enjoy their life. Somedays I feel I ended up a loser.”
“Let me ask you a question,” said the Mechanic. There’s nothing that can change my situation and what I’ve done that got me in this mess, so why not? I thought.
“What is the most important thing for you in life? What is truly the main thing for your soul?”
“My relationship with God” I said. If there is one thing I am certain about in my life, is this one. “Nothing else matters to me as much as my faith and my love for God. I hope one day to find and keep God’s love for me.”
“You left home two years ago, and you had no money nor any idea of where you were going to stay or go. You boarded a flight in Bucharest, Romania, and landed on the other side of the world, in Los Angeles. You walked out of the airport into the unknown with money for only two weeks.”
“That’s right” I said. “I wished I had more money, to be honest with you.”
“You don’t understand. You have been on the road for two years now. You’ve been on four continents since, you’ve traveled across Europe and the United States, to Japan and New Zealand, you’ve had an incredible journey – that, by the way, still continues – you were welcomed in beautiful homes and met wonderful people. You left home with very little money, and yet you never had a problem or difficulty in two years. Since faith and your relationship to the Divine is most important for your soul, then you have learned faith in the most beautiful and gentle way possible.”
“What do you mean?” I said. “It’s easy for you to say. You’ve got nothing to worry about. You never had.”
“Listen to me, don’t be stupid. Had you had the money, your faith would have been in the dollars. But you didn’t and so your faith was in God. It had to be, you had no choice. When you cannot rely on yourself anymore, your Heavenly Father steps in. If you learn to live like that everyday, you’ll find peace and faith you didn’t know are possible. Just look at how good you’ve been taken care of on this journey. You can learn how much God loves you only when you stand on the edge of darkness and surrender.”
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